LIBERAL SEPARATISM If you want to be cool, you must join the LIBERAL SEPARATIST MOVEMENT immediately! Liberal Separatism is a movement I am starting.  It represents the cutting edge, the avant-garde of leftist thought in the galaxy today. & I say this without egotism. There is no fee for membership in this revolutionary crusade.  You need only say or think "I am a Liberal Separatist & a loyal minion of Perry Logan"--without irony--& ZAP!--you're a member for the next billion years, kind of like a Scientology™ contract. There is no getting out, so consider very carefully.  Hideous punishment for recidivism.  There may be a membership card...possibly a T-shirt down the line. You can't be a Liberal Separatist unless you believe certain things.  Otherwise, you're just in it for the T-shirt & membership card. BELIEFS MANDATED 1. Liberal Separatists are required to believe the right & left cannot coexist in this country & that they must be separated--the sooner the later. I mean "the sooner the better." Since there are far more on the left than on the right, we propose forcibly herding them (they're just creepy white guys) into the States Where Incest Is Legal, having first evacuated the many cool people who reside in those states. This is a public-health issue.  It's prophylaxis––to keep the right from further screwing things up for the rest of us. 2. Liberal Separatists believe the political right in America is just a bunch of creepy white guys––a genetically inferior offshoot of the white-guy clan.  We believe we can mount a powerful argument, that the right have been screwing up America from the beginning.  These degenerates would have voted to stay with England.  They would have voted to keep slavery.  They would have voted to keep the vote from women, etc. Furthermore, we now see that, once they've hacked their way into power, the right simply starts changing the rules to cement themselves into place.  They are strikingly like tapeworms in this respect. 3. Liberal Separatists believe the right & left are going to fight.  It is not in their nature to give up the reins of power without a fight.  They are virtually fascists, after all––except for their utter lack of courage or intelligence.  It's going to come to blows between us.  We're going to have to kick their butts. God says "They are weak.  They lack virility.  They lack courage."  Etc. 4. Liberal Separatists feel that anyone who still supports the current administration is a traitor.  We want the right to leave our neighborhoods as soon as possible.  We will begin by asking them, then start hurting them  more & more until they comply. 5.  Liberal Separatists believe it's either them or us.  America is in a state of civil war.  Get used to it. 6.  Liberal Separatists request that all Republican officials in the United States immediately step down & go into voluntary house arrest, pending investigation, trial, & hanging. 7. For the safety of our children, we must get the right out of America. Just look at them.  They're genetically inferior.   They'll be happy, packed into camps, able to rub elbows with one another between bouts of friendly fraternity hazing. FORMS OF BEHAVIOR REQUESTED I also request certain forms of behavior from my fellow Liberal Separatists. Stop whining! If we don't change our behavior in response to our beliefs, we're no better than Republicans, right? (Right, Perry!) Besides, I'm only asking one thing at the moment. In the future, I may ask you to forward huge payments to me via PayPal™, but for now I'm only asking one thing, to wit: Say A Prayer for the Death of All Republicans every night before you go to bed & every morning when you get up.* *Unthinkable punishment for recidivists.  Do not even CONSIDER this.  I'm getting sick just writing this footnote. Excuse me... Please say this prayer.  It feels great, it stimulates the intellect, & it kills off many Republicans. & don't forget those hideous consequences, should you decide to breach your billion-year contract! One repetition of this special prayer can kill close to 100 Republicans.  No kidding.  It kills them very painfully, too.  That's the way God wants it.  You may say the prayer more often, if you like.  It will help prepare you for the coming bloodshed.* *See Item #3 above.